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[IV] Janssen, D. F. (Oct., 2002). Growing
Up Sexually. Volume II: The Sexual Curriculum: The Manufacture and
Performance of Pre-Adult Sexualities. Interim Report. Amsterdam, The
Netherlands 15
[previous
chapter] [next
chapter] Rolling Down a Hill Together
in Each Other's Arms. An Ethnohistorical Inventory of Play / Rehearsive Love and
(Pre-)Institutonal Dyadic Affiliation
"My sister comes in. Her eyes are full of
sorrow. She sings to me: "When the deep purple falls over sleepy garden walls,
someone thinks of me…" I doze, thinking of plums, walls, and "someone"[1] "Viene, gioiuzza mia, e viene scatená (Come, my joy, come and play Summary:
This chapter
provides a rough sketch of love development trajectories as encountered
cross-culturally and historically. As such it explores the extent of cultural
diversity in such indefinite concepts as love and romanticism, thereby
providing a vademecum for future study of its developmental principles. It
establishes a chronological baseline of love as a subjective experience by
reviewing relevant numeric data available for Western societies. It further
overviews some of the cultural determinants that have been identified as to
shape love trajectories. Lastly, some theoretical excursions are offered. Contents [up]
Rolling
Down a Hill Together in Each Other's Arms 15.1 Romanticism, Culture and Curriculum 15.2 Love as Play and Game: Historio-Ethnographic Discourse 15.3 The "Beginning of Courtship": Curriculum and Heterosocial (Re-)
Orientation 15.4 "Love" Development and Socialisation Tables
Table 1 First,
Pre- and Peri-Pubertal "Love": Major and Numeric Studies Table 2 First
"Love": Mean/Modal Ages 15.0 Introduction [up] [Contents]
15.0.0 Chapter Purpose [up] [Contents]
Introducing two interesting
absolutisms, McCormick[3]
suspects that "nearly everyone else on the planet has a soft spot in his or her
heart for a good love story"; that is, "[a]side from preadolescent males (who
find them icky in the extreme)". In fact, the development of "love" and
romantic motives has been neglected by psychologists and ethnographers who
generally limit their studies to the description of the semi- and
quasi-institutional forms its development is structured in. Cross-cultural
studies of early and first love, for instance, are rare[4].
Anthropologists have interested themselves for changing patterns of premarital
love[5]
which are related to the mixture of cultural clues to the operational and
motivational identity of love. The following chapter structures
available data on the "development" of "love", as informed by cultural factors.
To do so, a round-up of theoretical entries to the problem will be outlined (§15.1).
Next, the concept of "play love" is presented as a major discourse both in
historical and ethnographic perspective (§15.2). To anticipate on the data to follow,
the discussion of preadolescent love development within the cultural setting,
such as by Johansson (1995)[6],
is only sporadically fuelled with quality interview data. Love, it appears,
tends to be associated with the larger structural-political modes of existence
rather than the personal and microsocially interactional. Hence, valuable data
are mostly drawn from retrospective essays[7].
An integrative view of preadolescent friendships[8]
(e.g., "chum friendships"[9],
"passionate" friendships[10],
"special friendships"),
love, intimacy[11],
and nongenital "affectionate"[12]
and genital behaviour awaits further qualitative research (see also §s III.3.1
and III.3.2). 15.0.1 A Note on Teleological
Operationalisation [up] [Contents]
"Although scholars have given
considerable attention to adolescent romance, few have examined the discursive practices
of pre-adolescents, as they are just beginning to take up (and to resist)
cultural coherence systems that construct gender and sexuality" (Walton et al.,
2002)[13].
As Erlich (1966)[14] notes in
Yugoslav villages, love songs are sung "long before they have any personal
interest in the other sex". What constitutes dyadic object "love" in children
is ambiguous and problematic terminologically given its common use to denote a
general fondness for experiences and objects. Cultural factors are at play in the
assignment of "love quality", as measured by behavioural competence, social
attainability, motivational endurance, and object specific tenacity. There
seems to be a debate concerning the place of early infatuation in the wider
societal telos, often formulated in terms of synergy and antagonism.Studies
suggest that "falling in love", on no matter what[15],
was an even better predictor of adult creative achievement than indices of
scholastic promise and attainment in school. However, other research reveals that
"early romantic involvement in late childhood and adolescence had negative
consequences for academic, job, and conduct domains of competence. Later in
adolescence, romantic relationship involvement lost its negative significance"
(Neeman et al.). The contradiction here encountered may
reflect culturally ambivalent agendas rather than a clear-cut "role" or
"significance". Feminists, for their part, argue that "the compelling ideology
of romance channels girls narrowly toward heterosexuality and marriage"[16].
The remaining chapter, by contrast, operates from a nonteleological basis, and
rather addresses the curricular organisation of love as a social category of
human bonding. 15.1 Romanticism, Culture and Curriculum [up] [Contents]
15.1.1 "Structural-Cultural"
Aspects [up] [Contents]
Lindholm[17]
discusses whether romantic love is a particularly Western and modern
phenomenon, as many social theorists argue, or a universal experience (at least
not confined to Western societies[18])
as sociobiologists claim. Lindholm argued that both these approaches err in
taking sexual attraction as the essential characteristic of romance, whereas
historical and personal accounts stress idealisation of a particular other.
Cultural factors would define the way this dramatisation project might be
elaborated[19]. Rated in
generalist terms[20], love is
perhaps best studied cross-culturally by its subvariables[21]
(e.g., frequency of love experiences, attachment styles, love styles, love as a
basis of marriage, romantic attitudes, and predictors of falling in love), and
via depth interviews[22].
Of course, these are not available in most ethnographies. The extent to which emotions are
culturally created is a comparatively recent concern[23].
Courtship "routines" and curricula are shaped by their social raison d'être[24].
The relative import, or mere existence, of romanticism in this process is subject
to wider than dyadic interests[25],
and, as noted by other reviewers[26],
cultural determinants[27].
Romanticism, thus, is a cultural (rather than dyadic or individual) construct[28].
Otherwise put[29],
"expertise in romantic pursuits" is an organised acquisition, and is likely to
require and be granted a trial pathway for ultimate success. Occidental
romantic attachment as an explanandum is frequently located in its being a
developmental "change" in the general homophilic (homosocial) nature of
preadolescent (or variably, preadult) bonding[30].
It is significant, though, that previous
researchers tend to focus on adolescent
romantic development[31],
even when criticising previous work on its cancellation of "early" romantic
inclinations as "mature" subjects for study. In the study by Broderick[32],
however, the most striking difference between the "races" occurred during the
preadolescent and pubescent ages of 10-13[33].
15.1.2 Structural-Functional
Accounts [up] [Contents]
It has been widely suggested in the
past that romanticism signifies a dysfunctional adolescent phase that needs to
be overcome when "serious" mate-seeking is initiated. In these situations,
curricular romanticism is seen as an antagonist of social regulations. Scripts
may reflect these ideas on antagonism, producing conformist or dissident
romantic curricula. According to Goode[34],
who notes anthropologists' previous neglect of the matter, love is variably
"institutionalised", and falls subject to control for its direct effect on mate
choice, and thus, on social structure (kinship linkage). Goode observes that
society, and class strata, may affect adolescent love with a 5-type "gradual"
scale from illegitimisation to non- to positive operationalisation: child
marriage/betrothal, preferred marriage, social segregation, nonencouraged
supervised arranged courtship, and encouraged, formally "liberal" love. In the
last case, a (seemingly associated) peer group system effects the larger part
of social "control". Parents thus affect mate choice. Goode hypothesised that
the social expectation of love preceding marriage is associated with (1) the
degree of free choice of mate, and (2) the degree to which husband-wife
solidarity represents the strategic coherence of the kinship structure (p46). Goode's image of love as "a universal
psychological potential" being "entirely prevented" or "harnassed" by
environmental interests was not put through historical analysis. Thus, in a society where the family system
is a compelling agent of socialisation and emphasises family unity as opposed
to individual goals, while other agents of emotional and marital support are
absent, the family will exert great control on the mate-selection process and
the institutionalisation of arranged marriage[35],
controlling the expression of premarital love/romantic love and also
determining the importance of conjugal love/marital love. Across all cultures studies by Perlman
et al. (1978)[36] greater courtship
participation was associated with greater "sexual" permissiveness. One study[37],
however, suggested that romantic love in the US was declining as permissiveness
increases. Romanticism would be related to society's allowance of courtship[38]
while restricting sex; prohibition of adultery; and socialising coherence in
the relational complex of romantic love, marriage, and sexual relations. Early
cross-cultural studies (Rosenblatt)[39]
supported the hypotheses that romantic love is a functional substitute for
subsistence dependence: romantic love develops to preserve marriages from
divisive pressures of nearby relatives and from the weak bonds that may arise
from the lack of economic dependence of spouses on one another that may exist
where residence is nonneolocal. More recently, De Munck and Korotayev (1999)[40]
found that societies that allow premarital and extramarital sex for both males
and females rate romantic love significantly higher than societies that have a double
standard or strong sanctions against female sexuality out of wedlock. It is
concluded that the type of sanction against female sexuality is the critical
factor for predicting the cultural importance of romantic love as a basis for
marriage. Possibly suggestive of American middle-class
individualisation, Hatfield and Rapson (1993)[41]
suggested that cultural and gender differences may often be less powerful than
individual personality differences in shaping attitudes and behaviour.
"Westernization" (equality for men and women, and pursuit of pleasure and
avoidance of pain as desirable goals) is seen as creating trends toward
marriage for "love" (sexual desire) and greater sexual permissiveness. While
African young adults (e.g., Igbo[42])
may increasingly insist on choosing their marriage partners, the viability of
marriage might still depend on fertility, an organisation crucial for the final
format of marital bonding. 15.1.3 Constructionist Reflections [up] [Contents]
Contemporary
authors have utilised constructionist approaches to love, "an emotional
phenomena defined and experienced differently across cultures, with multitiered
importance to society"[43]. Authors variably
stress love as an emotion (passion)[44], or as a
behavioural curriculum. "Passionate" love is a multifactorial construct
uniquely defined within cultures[45]. Thus, love
relations constitute "a specific type of social relations that varies with
societies and historical periods", and a "productive mechanism" of the
relations between individuals and society[46]. Simon et al. (1992)[47] argue that children "[…]
not only acquire cultural knowledge about RL [Romantic Love] but also develop
feeling and expression norms (FENs) that guide romantic feelings. These norms
involve the relative importance of romantic relationships and the appropriate
object of romantic feelings. While some of these norms were highly developed
and generally accepted, others were still being negotiated. The [6 to 8 Grade]
subjects used a variety of discourse strategies to communicate normative
information and to reinforce feeling norms. Even though the subjects obtained
normative information about RL, they did not always abide by the FENs, which
they sometimes resisted". Redman
(2001)[48] argues that romance
provides boys with "a cultural repertoire --that is, a narrative resource or
set of discursive practices-- through which they negotiated and made
imaginative sense of the "little cultural world" of their college". In
particular, Redman's article suggests that romance "served to police and
discipline relations of class, gender ethnicity, and sexuality in the pupils'
culture while providing for the boys a mode of subjective orientation to key
disciplinary practices of schooling". As such, romance may be seen as "a
resource through which the boys "worked themselves into" the dispositions of a
middle-class or professional habitus. In Redman's words, "[…]
romance provided the boys in the study with a means of locating themselves (and
thereby constructing a heterosexual masculine identity) in relation to a cast
of hierarchically arranged social others. More particularly, I argue that this
process had a disciplinary function. Romance […] was one way in which the
boundaries of gender, class, ethnicity, and sexuality were policed within the
pupils' culture. It served to assert and validate a particular and socially
powerful kind of masculinity—white, heteronormative, and professional or middle
class—that simultaneously contested (and in some cases, punished) those forms
of masculinity and femininity that failed to compliment it" (2001:p189). In
all, the constructionist entry has produced few insights to the curricularisation,
or hegemonic schedule, of love. Love would be a part of the anticipated
biography[49], the contemporary
diary, and the memoirs (§4.7).
U.S. preteens seem to prefer scheduling their (the) "first romantic relationship"
in the mid to late teens[50], but few data
expand on this finding. 15.1.4 Interactionist-Performative Perspective [up] [Contents]
Love
is an influential[51] legitimiser for
sexual pursuits and intimacy curricula (cf. Straver). Besides interactionist
accounts using older age brackets[52], few hints have
been provided for personal ontologies. As will be argued further on, the
hypothetical, pre-operational condition of "love" may be reconceptualised as a
behavioural (per-operational) curriculum, relative to such psychological
facilitators as "interactional competence" (Weinstein, 1968), and such socially
mediated ramifications as "operative" and normative rules (Straver). This was
piloted by Rademakers and Straver in a study on Dutch girls (1986)[53]. 15.1.5 Human
Ethological Considerations [up] [Contents]
Ethological accounts of human courtship
(e.g., Ludwig-Boltzmann-Institute for Urban Ethology) are informed by
evolutionary and cross-species perspectives on affiliation as behaviour. The
male courtship routine has been schematised by a pattern of
human sexual interaction covering four phases[54]:
(1) location and initial appraisal of a potential partner; (2) pre-tactile
interaction (e.g., smiling at, posturing for, or talking to a prospective
partner); (3) tactile interaction (e.g., embracing, petting); and (4) effecting
genital union. If this ethological approach can legitimately be used for a
ontogenic approach, it seems that there is a place for considerable variation
in the patterns by which the child eventually comes to integrate these
component agenda into an effective (correct, complete) sequence. Particularly, it would seem that at
least in some early phases of human life sequenciality does not exist as such,
component "phases" being pursued for their own good, and without innate
tendencies to "progression" even with the technology of genitogenital
intromission (this would account for phase-specific voyeurist, exhibitionist,
obscene, toucheurist / frotteurist, and coital tendencies). The anthropologist
perspective would theoretically seem to account for the missing links in
"courtship development". Specifically, contemporary Occidental culture would delay practice-wise sequencing
to where the issue becomes a thoroughly premeditated event taking place in an
almost overly defined context of meaning, issuing a multitude of variables
such as power, affiliation, perspective, continuity, and aesthetics. The
concept of sexuality-eroticism becomes an elaborate narrative long before it
acquires a practical autobiographical basis. The child has to force his way
into a forbidden playground which maps have been handed down long before: the
experience follows a complex anticipation curriculum rather than progressive
elaboration following gradual experience. A low-practice economy produces a
culture that attaches strong meanings to isolated and initiatory experiences,
rather than stressing continuous and current status. Also, low-practice
economies characterised by elaborate premeditation allow for a curriculum
organised around a high-expectancy rather than reality-based motivation. This
suggests that amorous and coital sequencing as an every-day childhood
possibility offers a more stable, and probably more uniform, curriculum than a
society paradoxically centralising necessity-based delay (AIDS, VD, pregnancy)
of hypercentralised events, particularly where a sufficient degree of
childhood-adolescence continuity exists in this point (non-ritualisation). Human pair-bonding would be a function of complementation and identification principles along the gender axis, as would
core gender-identities in early infancy (Money). I would suggest this equally
holds true for the development of erotic and courtship scripts, and works via
other axes as well (age/phase, ethnicity, etc.). The verification of this
principle awaits further operationalisation. 15.2 Love as Play and Game:
Historio-Ethnographic Discourse (®§6.1.3) [up] [Contents]
Authors have delineated whether
children would "prefer" love for other narratives[55]
if presented as an option. Choice of perspective determines whether these
"preferences" are to be interpreted within a consumptive or productive arena.
Play is such a discursive arena. "Adults" accommodate play in love praxis[56],
so how to situate childhood love play? In the current presentation, an
interactive-performative interpretation is entertained. This is briefly
identified within the historical and ethnographic setting. 15.2.1 Historical
Implicits of "Love" Games[57] [up] [Contents]
Stressing normative sex curricula,
unlike Bloch, both Havelock Ellis and Albert Moll refer to Karl Groos, who as
one of the first posited the concept of preparatory "love play", interestingly
drawing a parallel between animal and human phenomena[58].
The folkloristic work by Borneman and by others[59]
has strongly issued the image of childhood as a productive phase that is
characterised by a high turn-over and output of rhymes, riddles, puns,
anecdotes, jokes, insults that all, within a more or less off-serious mode,
make sexual contextuality a (largely hidden) discourse parallel to that of the
presumed adult superculture. The exact "psychosexual level" of these may vary.
As judged from anthologies, "love games" among children were commonly known at
the turn of the century (Chaimberlain, 1896:p200[60];
Babcock, 1888[61]; Gomme,
1898, II: indexed at p461-2)[62].
Amidst a historical curriculum of pathologising[63]
early affiliative stirrings, a milestone work was presented by Bell (1902)[64].
The paper provides a range of heterosocial games thought to provide occasion
for kissing and hugging, illustrated by many cases, including "love
demonstrations" lasting into adulthood, and intergenerational crushes.
Critically, "[l]ove between children of the opposite sex bears much the same
relation to that between adults as the flower does to the fruit, and has about
as little physical sexuality in it as an apple-blossom has of the apple that
develops from it" (p333)[65].
Was it only after Freud that love games could be discussed as sex games or were
they indeed platonic? In Anthropophyteia,
Adler (1911)[66] lists nine
"typical" "erotic" games of childhood. The alternative hypothesis reads that
Victorian children indeed played "love" more typically than they played "sex"
(facilitating moral marginalisation of occurring instances). Money's "sexual rehearsal play" theme,
with elements of rehearsive flirtation[67]
surfaced in a 1970 article[68],
although his human "coital play" was mentioned before in the 1960s. Despite this lobbying, most "complete"
discussions on children's play never include sexual or romantic elements (e.g.,
Hartley and Goldenson)[69].
Later work, for instance, mentions "love tokens"[70]
but skips the sex; these authors preferred to study school environments, but
apparently missed or (did not find) the positive evidences of pervasive (and to
some extent overt) heterosexuality found in numerous studies in the 1980s
through 1990s[71]. The
performative and organisatory specifics are often left unexplored. Today, it
may be appreciated that "courtship games (e.g., post office)"[72]
exist next to or affiliated to "sex" games, a more comprehensive analysis
awaiting funding. 15.2.2 Doing
Love/Touch:
The Reassemblage and
Recycling of Cultural Materials [up] [Contents]
As detailed in full elsewhere[73],
childhood erotic games are organised around scenarios that reflect adult public
life, the sex (e.g., coitus) included when it is observed to be so. Malinowski[74]
formulated this definite need for Melanesian children to create a romantic game
around the sex. Malinowksi, thus, attributes a romantic quality to
preadolescent games. He observes how children are granted a sexual subculture
which providing ample material for parental gossip[75].
Amorphous play gradually makes way for
organised games. The record offers a variety of games that range from typical
(marriage, weddings), to "hypernormal", to "variant" (doctor,
mother-and-child), and to atypical and (still) "amorphous" scenarios (cf. §s 6.2.3-5).
The games have distinct names, probably more often than not ignore the
integrity of the reproductive cycle (though perhaps including the mimicry of
such elementaries as fluid transfer), have a definite tolerance for group
participation (though the sexual part is often polydyadic), and is at times
(but not exclusively) transferred to doll play. At times, animals are imitated[76].
The specific narrative of the game may be known as to allow microgeographic
variations (e.g., Parca[77]).
Hide-and-Seek, is a routine erotic play because of
its legitimate (, apparently dyadic,) separation from the group (e.g., Pedi,
Baganda, Amhara, South Africa [Undize]) or the element of catching (Santal).
I have found variations of "Choosing a Lover"
explicitly documented for the Basonge, Baushi, Ngoni, Xhosa, Zulu, and
nonnative Americans. The term "Lover"
here implies a romantic scenario, but this is not commonly present. Instead,
these games encompass fragmented courtship routines (vide infra). A
number of games typically seem to be utilised to enhance physical encounters.
"The game q[.]arumiña is played by little [Aymara]
boys and girls who are watching the sheep. It consists in rolling down a hill
together in each other's arms, and some informants say that such hills were the
site of their first love experience" (La Barre). Fernandez[78]
mentions a game called shale which
works as follows: "[The] children sit around spread-legged. A bystander-
usually a man- then comes forward with a piece of wood or a stone in his fist.
He thrusts his fist up between the legs of each in turn, leaving it under one.
There is much giggling. He sings: "Trapdoor spider, trapdoor spider", [salé]
you are very foolish! Hide this for me". Now another player comes out from a
hut and attempts to guess where the object is hidden. As he reaches up between
the legs, the seated player attempts to grab him". Santal
children's love/sex games are numerous (Uku
Uku, Shui Topa, Sakam bàhu jamai [Bride and bride-groom
of leaves], Mèròm mèròm khela [play
at goats], play at jack-fruit) including (under)water games (Jol Kada, thep). Among the Baushi,
apart from the classical mansansa
("house", marriage) and "kitchen", various games include sexual elements: Nambushi (Mother of Goats), Mwingilo wa nsenshi and Sale sale kinkamba (Everone is to Choose
whom he Pleases)[79]. Nelson
Mandela (1994) mentions ndize
(Hide-and-Seek), icekwa
(Touch-and-Run), and, his personal favorite, khetha (Choose-the-One-you-Like). As
Sierzpowska-Ketner[80]
notes for Poland, games may be
inspired by any clue to sexuality: "The most popular games imitate adult roles
that create an opportunity of mutual touching, undressing, and body
manipulation, playing doctor, hospital, nurse, mother and father, king and
queen, convalescent home, masseur, or the theater [sic], ballet and strip-tease. Among other inspirations for
childhood games, direct observation of adult life takes place first, then
movies, fairy tales, and stories told by others". Among the Nkundo, Hulstaert[81]
noted games of "mari et femmes" "d'une façon qui les dispose bien souvent à des
embrassements sans innocence", ioto
(« kitchen » ) played primarily by girls, and yembankongo, boyhood imitation of
monkeys done to to give occasion for « des scènes
répréhensibles » . Among the Zulu,
for whom children's coital lives are well known, girls may play games such as
Choosing a Lover (ukumema injenga)
(Raum), playful sexual intercourse has a specific name (ukwenza isiNcogolo) (Krige) and "a special term existed, u(lu)ngqoyingqoyi (lit., "delicious
food") with which small girls, when out alone and seeing a boy, called out to
him, the words being intended as an enticement to him to come to them for
sexual purposes" (Unwin). Mehinaku
children play "women's sons" (teneju itãi), "Mariage" (kanupai), and "jealousy" (ukítsapi);
"[t]here is even a game in which a girl violates the privacy of the men's house
and the little boys in retaliation pretend to gang rape her". North-American
Indian children played "love" games (Ojibwa:
"During the summer, the children play together in mixed groups, and part of
their play is the imitation of the intimate behavior of adults. Girls are
supposed to be passive, and boys are supposed to pursue them. The game of love
is a tremendous important preoccupation, and is enriched with songs, music,
tales of ascetic and faithful devotion, of suicides, and even visions") or
"variant" love games such as the Packing Game, First Love and Elope (Sioux, acc. Hassrick)[82]. In the above examples, one is justified
to assume that at least in some, "love" is a feature of the play or game
narrative. In none of the cases, this was explored at a more comprehensive
level than indicated. As a result, little more than the following observations
can be offered: --
Few qualitative descriptions are available to reconstruct the "work" of early
love-as-play. --
Love-as-play (quasi-amorous scripts) encompasses courtship behaviours recruited
for idiosyncratic mimesis, or as a legitimising context for genital pursuits. 15.3
The
"Beginning of Courtship": Curriculum and
Heterosocial (Re-) Orientation [up] [Contents]
The current paragraph identifies
courtship within its discursive curriculum, by differentiating between
performative contexts in which it takes place. These contexts can be thus
categorised: pre-institutional, institutional, and extra-institutional. Further,
there seems to be the case for both a hierarchy and a curriculum of
institutions, directing social expectations regarding chronology, sequencing
and conformity (Straver: normative rules). The individual is conceptualised as
legitimising (normalising) his participation in institutions through an
"operative self-concept". It is suggested that judging from the
cross-cultural record, "heterosocial orientation" develops via diverse
trajectories as a result of these operativity / motivational principles. Bryant
(1949:p562-4)[83] sketches
what can be considered a typical example of heterosexual development under
"permissive regime". "With the Zulus,
boys especially, and in a lesser degree girls, manifest the sexual instinct of
sensual desire (as yet unconsciously and sexlessly) sometimes as early as their
third years […] by the eight or ninth, sex selection and sexual magnetism are
strongly experienced and displayed […] This preference for the opposite sex and
a certain aversion toward its own, had been constant since the fifth or sixth
year. So, about this time most small boys and girls commenced to "court" each
other and choose secret paramours, partly in imitation (for they were most
observant, as well as imitative) of their elder brothers and sisters". Putting "early"
into perspective, Conn (1939:p742, 743)[84]
stated that "[t]he patterns of courtship and experimentation with interpersonal
relationships are being developed in [the period of age 7 to 9]. It is during
this phase of socialization that the patterns of early courtship appear and
dreams of the opposite sex". The "courtship"
curriculum assumes the (poorly defined) sexual background of dyadic
preinstitutional genital behaviour. Courtship is intimately related to the issue
of mobility, and requires parental fiat or the refutation of parental veto. The
most frequently encountered characterisation is that of the formality factor, referring to
prescribed routines, exchange customs and behavioural liberties[85].
In the more or less facultative "dating" system of the U.S., the child would
become date-minded at some time, and, Martinson suggests, on the basis of a
gradual redirection of interests, and polarisation of social space: "Basically, the
preadolescent's emotional commitment is to his family, rather than to his
friends. The girl at this age has ordinarily not begun to date. The sexes still
meet on the playground and judge each other by skill at running, at basketball,
at other activities, rather than by sex. The fact that one participant is a boy
and the other is a girl may be quite incidental to the activity. Soon, however,
most of the girls will secretly, or openly, compete for the attention of boys,
and a balance must be found between ties of friendship and the demands of
dating" (1973:p2). However, "[i]t is quite evident when we look at dating
among preadolescents that dating in the United States serves other functions
than that of courtship and mate selection". Heterosexual opportunities would take
place against the changing background of "mixed parties", paired dating (first
in grades 4-7) and "going steady" (ibid.,
p83-7). In
order to describe chronological patterning, a number of elements to have to be
addressed: Girl Meets Boy. Among preindustrial peoples, the
existence, timing and character of a courting scene very much depend on the
timing and arrangement of marriage. In beginning to explore the timing
question, some illustrations can be made for the African case: "Courtship often commences long before a marriageable
age is reached. Headmen of quite advanced age frequently train young girls,
generally maidens in their employ, in their habits and ways with a view to
ultimately marrying them" (Ambo,
Rhodesia); In later childhood girls "will probably have a lover or two, as
erotic play and courtship behaviour begins at a relatively early age, often
prior to puberty / After the menarchal rites are "eligible for serious
courtship or marriage" (Nharo,
Botswana); Courtship seems to begin in "youth" (Dinga, Sudan); A specific courting hut (lomore) allows a free
atmosphere for adolescent [the exact age at which it is entered is not given]
girls to meet boys (Mandari, Sudan);
Courtship and marriage takes place "at an early age", allegedly because no
payment or gifts are given or expected (Udhuk,
Ethiopia); "Girls are courted beginning at ages twelve to thirteen, and will
have a series of lovers by age fifteen to sixteen" (Nuer, Ethiopia); Around puberty (Somali); Adolescents are permitted to play husband and wife (suka-sehil) which is regarded as
immature courtship or flirtation and does not lead to consummation or marriage
(Toucouleur, Senegal); More or less formal courtship starts after puberty (Fali, North-Cameroon); Boys of
thirteen to fifteen looked around for a bride among the eight to twelve years
old girls / Men begin courting at age twenty and generally get betrothed
to a girl child, in which case sexual intercourse awaits puberty (Otoro Nuba); Washing
in cold water once on an early morning without shivering is the only test a
young man is given by his father or guardian to ascertain whether he is now
grown up and fit to court girls and eventually marry (Thonga); Boys of about 15 (after initiation) and girls of 12 will be preoccupied with
seeking a mate (Kipsigis, Kenya).
"Children start having "sweethearts", "boy-friends" or "girl-friends",
"cherries" (girls), or iintokazi
(lit., female things) from 10 or 11 years onwards" (urbanised Xhosa). The given, and other, examples suggest
the following subsequent patterns: the "play courtship"
of childhood (Bantu, Zulu), "premarital" courtship, and "antemarital"
courtship. In some cases of prearrangement, a courtship phase may be absent, or
may compete with alternative wishes of the involved parties, or with
clandestine initiatives. Play
Courtship. Expanding on the Zulu case, Bantu children
begin to "court" each other when very young. Stories indicate that children indulge
in intercourse "almost as soon as they discover the facts of life". The
existence of a play version of courtship requires a detailed description of
involved actions, roles and communications, and these have to be contrasted
with "formalised" stages of courtship (cf. Bell). Cross-culturally, it is to be
disproved that these patterns follow universal lines, but instead reflect
fragmentary assimilated scripts that are gradually expanded toward some
complete scenario. Play
to "Game" Courtship. Researching adolescents'
understanding of the social context of sexual behaviour, Eyre et al.[86] proposed a model of sex-related
behaviour as a set of interrelated "games". A courtship game involves
communication of sexual or romantic interest and, over time, formation of a
romantic relationship. A duplicity game draws on conventions of a courtship
game to trick a partner into having sex. A disclosure game spreads stories
about one's own and others' sex-related activities to peers in a gossip
network. A prestige game builds social reputation in the eyes of peers,
typically based on gender-specific standards. Love-as-game has been explored in
the Xhosa case[87] as
intimately connected to concepts of sex-as-requirement. The
Cultural Date.
What is considered a "date" provides a semi-formal, semi-institutional dyadic
courtship scene. In concordance with the remainder of the current work, the curricular
meaning of dates are to be reconstrued by analysing their first and
pre-first occurrences, and their determinants. First
Date. Apart from studies on the U.S. system[88],
data on first "dates"
are available for numerous countries where apparently this is customary (e.g, Brazil[89]
[here the custom is termed namoro][90],
Germany[91],
Japan[92], the Netherlands, Central African Republic, South Africa, etc.). Mechanisms that
govern this chronology have been identified for monocultural settings. A constructionist entry would
define the matter as a factor of developing "dating scripts"[93].
A cross-cultural study has to disprove that these scripts are elaborated along
similar chronological principles, but instead are based on such preconditions
as mobility, gender scripts, and specific (positive) operationalisations of
exclusive pairbonding (Becker: "contraction"). "Premarital"
vs "Antemarital" Courtship. A most variable relationship between both
categories, courtship may be divided by behaviour more or less directed at mate
selection, and behaviour that is to effect the winning of the eventual,
preferred mate. These distinction between patterns are rather foggy in
industrial settings, but in others these patterns may be more clearly defined
formalised). Date
and Romanticism.
Research[94] indicates
that formation of a romantic view (comprised mostly of affiliative behaviours
during early dating) and the onset and frequency of dating are independent of
each other. This suggests that the work and agenda involved in a "romantic date
scripts" is coded by at least partially separate trajectories. 15.4 "Love" Development and
Socialisation [up] [Contents]
To
provide a tentative exploration of love development, three critical aspects are
presented: structural preconditions that compromise a universalist treatise of
its development; development, and socialisation. Data strongly suggest that
cultures exert a most definite influence on the form, timing and experience of
tentative bondings, whether or not liable to the concept of "romanticism". 15.4.1 Structural
Context and the Formation of
Dyadic Exclusivity [up] [Contents]
In the present paragraph, it is
suggested that with love to be discussed as a universal tendency for dyadic
exclusivity, its manifestation and effectuation is intrinsically bound to
structural preconditions that make up the teleologically formulated "scripts"
of such "inclination". Departing from the above review of structural-level
determination of love, the following key issues are extracted: Mate Selection. Although free choice may not be a
necessary condition for love, the organisation of mate selection determines a
large part of the romantic curriculum, notably the possibilities and
probabilities for patterned affiliation. Closely related is the issue of Mate Availability. Upon reaching puberty, Yaruro (Venezula) boys and girls marry
if a mate is available, regardless of "considerable" age difference.
"Premarital romantic love life may be entirely absent on this account […]"
(Petrullo)[95].
Comparably, Murphy and Quain reported that among the Central Brazilian Trumaí, "there was no heterosexual
activity between children, for there were no girls of appropriate age in the
village". Romantic Values and Curriculum / Curricular
Romanticism.
It was said that among the Dogon, "[w]ith experience and maturity, […] the
adults lose their romantic illusions. Although grown men will always appreciate
female beauty, they learn to prefer more substantial qualities"
(Calame-Griaule). This suggests the possibility that romanticism motivating
affiliative activities is phase-specific and may, indeed, discard levels of
romantic motivation found in previous scripts. Romanticism and Economic Agenda. In Holland, recent
immigration politics have come to question the moral/legal position of cases in
which marriage provides a legitimisation for migration for economic purposes.
In these cases it has been observed that "love" occupies a secondary if not a
nonexisting place. Villages are thus "transplanted" posing a threat to
integration processes. Thus, romantic ideations may be feigned publicly or
politically to accomplish primary agendas. [the issue, however, raises
questions of normalisation, and marginalisation.] 15.4.2 Development:
Objects, Institutions, Dyadicism [up] [Contents]
A
cross-cultural discussion of love development is hampered by the lack of
qualitative descriptive materials referring to the non-Occidental case. In
ethnographic materials, there seems to be an identification of love objects,
pair-bonding behaviours and the social institutions that govern the
heterosocial dyad, but not of personal qualifications pertaining to the
emotional factors involved. What does enter as the experience factor often is
limited to the probing of associations with adolescent "risk behaviours", which
dichotomises risky and safe uses of love categories, and also denormalises
"risky" loves. Play Love.
Historical and ethnographic observations being offered supra, it is clear that
the element of "romanticism" in "sex" games (aut vice versa), elements which
are described in separation much more frequent, is in most cases unestablished.
Scenario-based love play mimics the institutional forms in the ways they are
public, made public or are thought to be organised if nonpublic. Girlhood love
commonly is "rehearsed" in a same-sex setting, and within a fictitious age
stratification; equivalent reports for boys do not suggest this degree of
stereotypy. Blacking (1959, 1978)[96]
observed that a traditional "mother-child" custom attached to the Bemba vhusha, or original puberty school, is mimicked by pubescent and
prepubescent girls. The "play mother" and "play child" declare their love to
each other, and the mother may help the child in her first heterosocial amorous
approaches. It is unclear whether
sexual behaviour is involved[97].
In permissive environments, love, as genitalism, takes the form of a scenario
tentatively being put to tests at variable ages. Some adolescent folklore (love declarations) were
collected in Leopoldville by Raymaekers[98] who writes: "Il semble que les relations sexuelles ente
jeunes gens débutent dès la plus tendre enfance sans pour autant, évidemment,
que les jeunes réalisent pleinement la signification de l'acte qu'ils posent"
(p8). "Amorarche":
Construing First Love. Commenting on a surprising relaxation of
"spontaneous" gender segregation in springtime measures of Grades 3 and 4,
Bronfenbrenner (1944:p62)[99]
comments on observations of school personell: "It was indeed "spring":
pre-adolescent "crushes" made their first appearance in this group during the
second semester". Most studies on "first love experiences" include U.S.
adolescents (vide infra). A number of
papers presented the objective genetic timing of amorous tendencies, or amorarche (Tables
1
and 2 at the conclusion of this chapter).
Carlfred Broderick was one of the prominent pioneers to focus on pubescent
heterosocial timing. A cross-national and historical comparative method,
however, is problematic because of the wide variation of definitions attached
to the concept of "love". One study[100]
conceptualised love as broad as "significant attachments". A Polish study[101]
on first love was led to the following operationalisation: "the first desire of
constant contact with an individual of the opposite sex in the erotic,
intellectual, and moral sphere". Other studies have been performed on
Scandinavian[102], Russian[103],
German[104], Dutch[105],
and Israeli[106]
(pre)adolescents; further solitary studies on early love development are found
in Canadian, Italian, and Australian studies. Given the variable accessibility
of the sources, the theoretical presuppositions, and methodological
limitations, it appears that few cross-cultural observations can be made on the
symbolic interactions involved in the construction of "love" experiences as
"first" ("first genuine") or as "subsequent". Love before puberty is frequently
attributed a "puppy" quality[107].
Money (surveyed by Gijs)[108]
commonly referred to this state of mind, or rather the behaviour that follows
it, as a pregonadarchic ("dry") rehearsal, quite comparable to sexual/coital
"rehearsals". Early authors wrote on early love (e.g., Just, 1897; Speyer,
1904; Pfister, 1922, 1925)[109]
in attempts to shift the abnormal from the beneficial. A rarely quoted paper on
early love appeared in the German journal Die
Kinderfehler. Speyer (1904) presented love-letters of children to illustrate his distinction
between abnormal and normal love ("Die Seele des Kindes offenbart sich am
besten in Briefen"). Crediting the observations of Mantegazza and Ferriani,
love and hatred, the two most basic emotions in adults are to be seen as
present in the early age. He stressed the role of early education to prevent an
all too intense expression of these sentiments. The distinction seems to
consist of the presence or absence of heredity cq. the environment of a
criminal family. All abnormal cases show the latter (more or less) and the
normal letters are written by those invariably born out of an "adliger
Familie". The former cases deal with threatening the beloved one with death or
destruction; the latter reveal mere melancholy or the suggestion of suicide if
turned down. Ages are 9 to 13. Wulffen (1913:p253-5)[110]
also mentioned a paradoxic
developmental protraction of "das erotische Liebesgefühl [or Instinkte]" at age nine to twelve,
quoting two pathological love letters
of Italian children. [To exand on the genre, Kernberg and Richards (1994)[111]
reviewed approximately 1000 letters from boys and girls (almost all ranging in
age from 9 through 12) in an attempt to see what love means for youngsters.] Variably
operationalised, "romances" may start at preschool age (Bell, 1902; Hatfield et
al., 1988; Smith et al., 1993). There do not appear to be cross-cultural
studies demonstrating differences in timing, character or incidence of preadult
love/romance experiences. The Note-Bringer.
Sometimes children are used as "go-betweens"
in adolescent love communications (Santals [India][112],
Trukese, Mehinaku [Brazil], Jimdārs (Rais) [Nepal]), a theme used in
Hartley's 1953 novel The Go-Between.
This represents a situation wherein children are recruited for a lateral role,
thereby provided the opportunity for observing central roles. The same is noted
in Mohave boys being used as escorts of prostitutes as witnesses of eventual
misbehaviour of their clients[113]. The Note.
Notes are tools of sexual negotiations, serving variable ends. Parikh analysing love letters in Uganda: "In terms of gendered themes within love
letters, in general boys use letters to establish relationships and initiate
sex. Girls use letters to maintain and negotiate terms of the relationship,
often by expressing disappointment over the actions of their love interest. In
youth's letters, the term "love" is has multiple meanings—an emotion, desire,
or sexual activity. The vague use of the term is more common in boys' letters
and allows for deniability if "discovered", while leaving interpretation up to
the recipient. Youth frequently conflate love and sex, and one is evidence of
the other". Object Development
(Homosexual, Age Stratified).
As detailed elsewhere (§8.2.2.1), love development
typically includes a "crush" phase (G., Schwärmen),
or curricular teleiophilia. With variable support, this has been
explained as a "safe" entry in the self-concept as a subject-in-love, without
the risk, pressure and difficulties of reciprocity. The object is typically older,
of the same sex, and both, and according to one or more principles, out of
reach. It could not established whether the phenomenon normatively occurs
outside the Caucasian setting. Curricularised Pre-,
Semi- and Quasi-Institutions.
The evolution of courtship forms can be examined via historical[114]
and immigrant[115] studies.
Love is organised through such culture-typical pre-institutions of
"going-steady"[116],
"breaking up", and "making up", "dating". These invariably depend on whether
they are clandestine, semi-clandestine, tolerated or arranged. The "making-out"
and "love-making" may be introduced anywhere in such institutionalised
curricula. The institutions become objects for anticipation[117],
and the timing is roughly associated with parental control on heterosocial
mobility. In age-set societies, the timing of love commitments are based on the
control exerted through the implications of initiation policies for both
parties. A circumcised Nandi boy,
for instance, may have intercourse with uninitiated girls, who form lasting
couples (mureret-sandet, beloved-lover).
This is paralleled among the Baraguyu
and Masai. Among the Jekri of the Niger Delta, "[t]he sexes
fall in love with one another just as Europeans do, and there is the same
intrigue, squeezing and cuddling and loving embraces, but there is no kissing".
This would occur before marriage which is scheduled at pubarche for free girls.
Children among the urbanised Xhosa[118]
"[…] start having "sweethearts", "boy-friends" or "girl-friends", "cherries"
(girls), or iintokazi (lit., female
things) from 10 or 11 years onwards". This varies in intensity. The early
timing of the "love-making" is attributed by the respondents to the freedom
associated with single-parent household, giving way to unsupervised interplay;
others referred to the compromised privacy of the home causing "their being
aware of their parents' sexual relations from an early age". "Intensive
petting- referred to as unkuncokolisa
(to excite sexually), uku-phathaphatha
(the intensive form of the verb ukuphatha,
to touch or feel), or by the English word "romance", used both as noun and
verb- and with it sexual intercourse, are often part of a love-affair from an
early age. Cases of pregnancy are known to occur from 12 years age and onward.
Among the informants 14 was the youngest age at which one of them first
experienced sexual intercourse. From 16 onwards most young people have
love-affairs in which intercourse is a common element". However, there is a
deal of interindividual variability. Some have multiple simultaneous lovers: a
major one (makhonya, known lover),
and a "minor" one (osecaleni, "one on
the side"). How
semi-institutionality and romanticism are interconnected is open to debate
(e.g., Merten)[119],
but it seems reasonable to assume institutions act as bridges between hypothetical and real bonding and intimacy, as such provide anchors for curricular
control and operationalisation, and are employed with the same intention as
legal institutions: partner claim. Dyadiscism and
Transitional / Mediating Groups. U.S. mixed preadolescent parties, once
referred to as "group dating"
(Martinson, 1960:p73-7; 1970:p253; 1973:p83-5; 1974:p23-4), prove to be a
specific occasion for experimenting with the dyadic mode. As genital behaviour,
dyadic initiatives seem to arise from occasions provided by the group
experience, peers being utilised as mediators, go-betweens and reporters. As
Thorne (1993:p151-4) notes: "Although pairs are the focus, "goin' with" is a
group activity that bridges from moments of teasing to the construction of more
lasting and self-proclaimed couples". Other Mediating
Social Institutions. The diary may be considered a transitional object in
the process of the disclosure of a love life[120],
disclosure being organised in the selective (non-)privileging of being shown
passages, or knowledge of its existence. However compromised the validity of
diaries[121], these
sources are unique in their subjectivity, format and functionality. Categorising / Organising Love/Sex. Abhraham (2000, 2002)[122]
sketches how Indian street youth negotiate heterosexual affiliations within
diverse categories, including Bhai-behen
("a 'brother-sister' like relationship, platonic in nature and explicitly
signifies a friendship devoid of any sexual involvement"), "true love"
("pursued with the implicit or explicit intention of marriage"), and "time pass
friendships" ("a transitory relationship with a girl of their age,
characterized by sexual intimacy that may lead to sexual intercourse"). It
appears that this classification system is primarily informed by associative
(sexual framework) and prospective (social framework) operations. Thus, "[y]outh sexuality as it is
channelled and experienced was far more complex than what is typically
understood in terms of 'boyfriend-girlfriend' relationships"[123]. 15.4.3 Socialisation
and Courtship Forms: Input for a Taxonomy of Practices [up] [Contents]
Operative Rules: Parental vs Peer
Mediation. The socialisation of romantic
inclinations is universally part of a peer culture, which may perform the same
pressures or constraints. African patterns of sexual instruction are known to
introduce elements of love ethics within the compulsory sexual curriculum.
Gough (1961 [1962:p346])[124]
notes that in former times Nayar "mothers
and other matrilineally related women instructed girls in the arts of love". A Dogon boy tells about his father: "
"He walked every night alone to Yenima to get his bride, and he was only 19
years old". The story of his father's courtship and first love adventures which
he knows in detail he wants to imitate as soon as he is a little older. His
father has been his model in sexual matters and he consciously identifies with
him" (Parin et al., p297). A typically Western response toward love would probably
still read something like: "For the form
of response known as "puppy love" we have one stock policy- we take a seat on
the side lines. It needs regulating now and then- even a game of marbles gets
out of hand occasionally- but it is usually wise to let it run its course like
numerous other human ailments. […] We learned that the child is safeguarded
when the opposite sex becomes ordinary and without any special novelty, and
that natural association tends to eradicate morbid attitudes. We do not claim
to have rediscovered the basis of exogamy; but we do notice that it is now
quite the thing among the older boys to have a girl in the outside community.
Apparently Westermarck was right!" [125]. Nevertheless, Jackson (1982:p93-6)[126]
argued that, "[g]irls receive a thorough schooling in romanticism from their
earliest years", a schooling, Jackson argues, that may work as a trap (2001)[127].
This vicarious socialisation would escape preadolescent boys, who feel
disgusted or disinterested. The most important matter seems to be the
curricular "fit" of love and sex[128]. Love as an Operational Concept. Hunter[129]
relates that a Bantu girl would be
ridiculed if she did not have lovers (yet is taught how to avoid defloration);
the same was noted for the Basonge
peer group. This seems to oppose the frequent finding that young children tease
and are teased about alleged romantic involvement[130],
a pattern also noted for the Thonga
(Colson: "[c]hildren from four of five on tease one another about their lovers").
Relative to whether these sentiments are somehow derived from parental
attitudes, this mostly reflects a developmental principle. Thus, a Thonga girl
may solicit for intercourse. "A boy how has no such flirt, no shigango [[131]],
is laughed at as a coward; a girl who refuses to accept such advances is
accused of being malformed". In fact, "If a boy has not been successful in his
"gangisa" [playing marriage in huts], if he is despised by the girls and has no
chance of being accepted", a special rite is needed to help him find a wife. Formalised vs Informal Operationalisation. Courtship "routines" vary in the required degree of
formal activities, interventions and communications. Price and Price (1966a,b)[132]
describe that courtship among the Olivos,
a traditional pueblo, is staged in three compartment, the middle with two
subcompartments: informal, transitional, and formal. Roughly, industrial
societies (e.g., U.S.) seem to value formality but do not enforce it as such.
The disintegration of formality is an established ethnographic plot for many
cultures today (e.g., American Hmong). This Thing Called Love. The Christian, commercial "romance" script does not
apply to many traditional love trajectories. P'Bitek (1964/1997)[133]
provides an engaging discussion of the love trajectories of Acholi (Uganda)
youth consisting of boys "shooting" or selecting previously unacquainted girls,
girls initially (as a rule, incessantly) declining proposals, the start of a
"love debate" that may take months. Regardless of age, unmarried men and
spinsters had no social status. After a ring token has been "given to" (won by)
the male, he might introduce her to the bachelor's hut, to which she may be
pressured by her mother, to find out whether he is "alive": "If for some reason
boy cannot or does not sleep with girl, then boy is not sexually fit. […] and
that is the end of the affair between the two". Pre-pregnancy congress was
severely (lethally, physically) punished. Lateral and Central Listening / Reading / Doing[134]. It appears that the transmission of love as a
cultural construct occurs in variable distances to "mainstream" transmission
routes. This renders love-as-practice a more centralised or more lateralised
subcultural curriculum. Roy
(p40-2, 43-4) sketches how a Bengali girl
used to be sensitised for Sanskrit love ideals in school, patterns being mixed
with Western images. A poor Western equivalent would be comics[135].
Confined in total ignorance of their sexual bodies, dedicated to virginity,
under strict supervision of their mothers and the Church, young French girls nonetheless obtained a real
insight into sentimental matters through an edifying literature. These books
aimed to discipline the romantic temperament of young girls and convert it into
the proper feeling for the right man, the future husband, for the sake of
social order (Houbre; Kraakman)[136].
Among the Klamath, "erotic" songs
pass under the name of pilpil or
puberty songs[137]. "They
include lines on signs of womanhood, courting, love sentiments, disappointments
in love, marriage fees paid to parents, on marrying and on conjugal life. […]
[T]hey all refer in fact to love-making and kindred sentiments, the satiric
lines confirming the proverbial inclination of lovers to fight among
themselves". [The importance of magazines was detailed in §6.4.1] Subcultures and Playgrounds:
Self-Determination. Firth notes for the Tikopia: "Among the young people there is a
subterranean world of conversation and pleasures, the existence of which is
known to their elders but from which their age and dignity excludes them". Some
cases of institutionalised co-residence provide an atmosphere that provides a
degree of possibility/probability rather than pressured love development. Among
the Gurungs[138]
the Rodi (youth club) is joined at
age eight or nine, first at a kol-mai
for young girls (8-13), where she may find "fun", or "affection, love", or at
least understanding of each other's natures. As reviewed elsewhere[139],
American heterosocial and –sexual development is organised around the school
setting, institutions being experimented with here. The geography of children's peer
socialisation on the subject of love is best, yet not often, studied within
their verbal subcultures (e.g., Heitmann, 1988)[140]. Countercultures. In some organisations, love and courtship
customarily opposes parental preferences[141]; these might be hypothesised as transitional. In less
obvious cases, youth subcultures may tend to oppose given parental standards on
associations regulated through curfews, etc. The degree in which this is
apparent is based on cultural, subcultural and individual perspectives. The Dance: Scheduled Opportunism. Occasional celebrations are instituted to provide
formal and informal association with the opposite sex. The Afikpo organise a sort of unsupervised annual children's feast
called egwu [mirrored c]nwa (Moonlight Dancing), where chilldren
pair to form a temporary nwa ulo relationship.
In the adult equivalent, these bondings are omitted. It does not involve more
than a petting courtship. It was said to provide "experience in exercising
sexual [self-]restraint", for boys
rather to protect the female partner from sexually aggressive advances
performed by other boys. Nuer
"[g]irls witness serious love-making and courtship earlier than boys. At dances
little girls follow their more experienced sisters and cousins, imitating their
movements during the dancing and afterwards sitting with them while the young
men pay them compliments and try to persude them to retire with them into the
long grass". Curricular Love Magic. Apparently, pubescence/courtship-associated love
magic may be found in Africa[142] and North America[143], and outside these areas[144]. These are customs transmitted to or applied by a
generation for the lower. Among the Zaire Baushi[145] boys use "love cosmetics"; Botswana Kgatla boys use "love medicines" (meratsô);
aphrodisiacs may also be used among Zaire Batetela
and Mongo pubertal boys. Among the Luvale of Zambia, pubertal preparations
of girls include the administration of aphrodisiac herbs and love
potions. In all cases but one (Ojibwa), anatomically poetic medicines are used
as well. The meaning of love magic being discussed to some extent[146], it was not reckoned who uses it on whom, for what
purposes. Among the Jekri of the
Niger Delta, "[…] juju [medicines, charms] is made to keep [a girl] virtuous,
but as a rule women are not chaste until married" (Granville and Roth). Among
the Plateau Thonga, children use
beautifying medicines, as do adults, and with their silent approval
(Colson). Variant, Atypical
and Paraphilic Love and Courtship Trajectories.
As surveyed elsewhere[147],
a wealth of studies have documented homosexual development, but few studies have
thus covered the specific element of infatuation. Very few studies have
provided data on paraphilic development. Theoretically, these studies provide a
very important view on the sociological situation of romantic attachment
"development". It provides information on the role of normality, peer control,
and peer intervention (e.g., "homophobia"). This study of course has to take
place within the general genetic sociology of variant, atypical and paraphilic sexual
identity trajectories (see §8.3.3). 15.4.4 Love
to Sex: Cultural Determinants [up] [Contents]
As anticipated above,
love is a concept often issued and operationalised on the basis with its
suspected facilitating properties as regarding sexual (risk) behaviours. To
specify this often discussed case, how does an operative self-concept vis-a-vis
love contribute to an operative self-concept vis-a-vis sex? This point is first
illustrated by quantitative material, and secondly by case material addressing
specifically the subjective constructions of the matter, institutional
dissociations between exclusive dyadic affiliation and sexual connection, and
semi-institutional sequencialism proscribing love and sex as interdependent
curriculars. The following data briefly illustrate these formulae. "Love" as a Subjective
Retrospective Motivator for Sexarche.
Moore and Rosenthal (1998)[148]
explored how, within peer cultures, sex is "legitimated within the context of
romantic love". In Bulgaria[149],
82.3% of adolescents report "love" as their main motive for coitarche, 12.5% report
to have done it "out of curiosity" and only in 7.2% it happened "by chance". In
Togo[150],
coitus among students is claimed to be motivated by love in 68.6% and by desire
in 21.1%. Love would be one of the most important reasons in Norway[151],
Slovenia[152],
France[153]
(66%, females), and probably in most Western countries. Sex Through Love.
Conversely, research[154]
suggests that coitarche "increases", or reinforces "love". Reiss (1981:p276)[155]
and Villanueva (1997:p39-40, 48, 63, 70) on Puerto Rico argue that love may be
used to "purify" and "justify" the continuance of sexual favours. Curricular Platonism
Requirements.
The Bisaya (Borneo) practice informal
"pairing" of eight- and nine-year-olds. Premarital chastity, however, was of
great concern and the timing of sexual initiation was determined by the
mother-in-law associated with their future residence (Lebar). Likewise, the Bakuria (Bantu, Kenya) who practice a
form of preteen-preteen going-steady [Kisassi]
are to observe the precircumcision taboo, as violation would sterilise the girl
(Baker). From Base to Base.
Hatfield and Rapson (1996)[156],
however notably neglecting developmental issues, observed that in modern
technologically developed societies there is a remarkable conformity in
intimacy milestone sequencing, differences being found predominantly in their
timing (p113-4). For the Koreans,
Brandt (1971) observed that for the ages 12 to 14, "[t]here is considerable
romantic longing for someone of the opposite sex, but both individuals are
ashamed and pretend to dislike each other when they meet, sometimes using
insults that provoke real quarrels". In this light, it is regrettable that
American sexology, however focussed on mapping the chronology of intimacy
trajectories hardly ever includes psychometric variables such as love and first
heartbreak, along with inevitably negative exponents (first dumping, being
dumped, etc.). 15.x Additional
Reading [up] [Contents]
-- Fiering, C.
(1996) Concepts of romance in 15-year-old adolescents, J Res Adolesc 6,2:181-200 -- Brendgen,
M., Vitaro, F., Doyle, A., Markiewicz, D. & Bukowski, W. M. (2002) Same-sex
peer relations and romantic relationships during early adolescence: Interactive
links to emotional, behavioral, and academic adjustment, Merrill Palmer Quart 48,1:77-103 -- Collins, W. A., Hennighausen, K. C., Schmit, D.
T. & Sroufe, L. A. (1997) Developmental Precursors of Romantic
Relationships: A Longitudinal Analysis, New
Directions for Child Developm 78:69-84 -- Feiring, C. (1999) Other-sex friendship
networks and the development of romantic relationships in adolescence, J Youth & Adolesc 28,4:495-512 -- Jackson, D. W. (1975) The Meaning of Dating
from the Role Perspective of Non-Dating Pre-Adolescents, Adolescence 10, 37:123-6 -- Kon, I. S. (1973) O Druzhbe, O Lyubvi [On
Friendship, On Love], Literaturnaya Gazeta 10, Mar 7, 11 --
Kuik, S. (1996) Mag Ik op je Rug? Van de
Kinderen en hun Dagen met Vriendschap en Ruzie. Amsterdam: Het Spinhuis [Dutch] -- Lowrie, S. H. (1952) Sex Differences and Age of
Initial Dating, Social Forces
30,4:456-61 -- Lowrie, S. H. (1961) Early and Late Dating:
Some Conditions Associated with Them, Marriage
& Family Living 23,3: 284-91 -- Mitchell, J. J. (1976) Adolescent intimacy, Adolescence 11(42):275-80 -- Money, J. & Walker, P. A. (1971)
Psychosexual development, maternalism, nonpromiscuity, and body image in 15
females with precocious puberty, Arch Sex
Behav 1,1:45-60 Tables [up] [Contents]
Table 1 First, Pre- and
Peri-Pubertal "Love": Major and Numeric Studies (N=30) [up] [Contents]
Table 2 First "Love": Mean/Modal
Ages (N=5)[189] [up] [Contents]
Notes [up] [Contents]
[last
updated] [1] Morrison, T. (1970) The Bluest Eye: A Novel. New York: Holt, Rinehart & Winston, p7.
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towards romanticism: A cross-cultural study of American, Asian-Indian, and
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aspects of romantic experience in adolescence, in Furman, W., Brown, B. B. et
al. (Eds.) The Development of Romantic
Relationships in Adolescence. Cambridge Studies in Social and Emotional
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and Romantic Experiences in Adolescence. To appear in Adams, G. R. &
Berzonsky, M. (Eds.) The Blackwell
Handbook of Adolescence. Oxford, UK: Blackwell Publishers. Online draft,
page 15-6; Simon, V., Bouchey, H. A. & Furman, W. ([1998]) The Social
Construction of Adolescents' Representations of Romantic Relationships. To
appear in Larose, S. & Tarabulsy, G. M. (Eds.) Attachment and Development: Vol. 2. Adolescence. Québec: Les
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culture in romantic attraction, Europ
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styles, and relationships among young people from Chinese, Southern European,
and Anglo-Australian backgrounds, Asian J
Soc Psychol 4,1:53-68; Stones, Ch. R. & Philbrick, J. L. (1989) Love
Attitudes among Xhosa Adolescents in South Africa, J Soc Psychol 129,1:131-2; Fischer, K. W., Wang, L., Kennedy, B.
& Chen,-Ch. (1998) Culture and Biology in Emotional Development, New Direct Child & Adolesc Developm
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become desire: A case study of American romance, in D'Andrade, R. G. &
Strauss, C. (Eds.) Human Motives and
Cultural Models. Publications of the Society for Psychological
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cultural construction of emotion and sorority women's responses to forcible
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become desire: A case study of American romance, in D'Andrade, R. G. &
Strauss, C. (Eds.) Human Motives and
Cultural Models. Publications of the Society for Psychological
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pattern: girls were far more romantically oriented than boys although at about
the same level in terms of actual heterosexual interaction. Negro boys,
however, showed a high level of preadolescent heterosexual interest and
involvement together with an apparent progressive disenchantment with marriage. [34] Goode, W. J. (1959) The Theoretical Importance of
Love, Am Sociol Rev 24,1:38-47 [35] Gupta, G. R. (1976) Love, arranged marriage, and the
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However, the terminology used reflected more of a diffusion of ideas than of a
clinical eye. Löwenfeld (1911:p20) mentioned that erotic inclinations (here
defined Verliebtheit, being in love)
were, although prevalent in the younger ones, were no rarity among older children.
Next to erotische Neigung, he uses
the terms kindliche Erotik (p20), sexuelle Liebe (p20), geschlechtliche Liebesregungen (p20) and
Vorliebe (p20). A genuine sexual
precocity (gewisse sexuelle Frühreife)
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from one another or from their slightly older age mates, or the learning may be
from much older people. In our society, erotic/sexual play and knowledge are
transmitted in all three ways. Thus, at the kindergarten age, one may observe
daughters being socially rewarded for being coquettishly flirtatious with their
fathers, and sons for being manly little escorts with their mothers. At the
same age, kindergarten boys and girls rehearse romantic pair- bonding, complete
with glamorous plans for a wedding in Baltimore, a honeymoon in the Caribbean,
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interest, and discuss the love affairs of their children with easy jocularity.
I often heard some such benevolent gossip as this: "So-and-so (a little girl)
has already had intercourse with So-and-so (a little boy)". And if such were
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as "husband" and "wife", but they do not indulge in any form of sex play
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Reference for Sociometric Research: Part II. Experiment and Inference, Sociometry 7,1:40-75 [100] Alapack, R. J. (1984) Adolescent first love, Stud Soc Sci 23:101-7 [101] Jablonska, M. (1948) Proba analizy psychologicznej
pierwszej milosci [A trial of a psychological analysis of the first love], Kwart Psychol 14,3-4:166-95, 217-9 [102] Bruhn, K. (1929) Tva kapitel om ungflickalderns
kaerleksliv. Foersta studien: den svaermande [Two chapters on the love life of
young girls. First study: the dreamer, Tidskr
f Psykol & Pedagog Forskn 1:3-44; Bruhn, K. (1930) Tva kapitel om
ynglingaalderns kaerleksliv. Foersta studien: Den foersta ungdomskaerleken [Two
chapters on the love life of adolescent boys. First study: The first love of
youth], Tidskr f Psykol & Pedagog
Forskn 2:3-62 [103] Schbankow (1922) reported by Weiþenberg, S. (1924)
[Weiteres über][D]as Geschlechtsleben der Russischen Studentinnen, Ztsch f Sexualwiss 11,1:7-14;12,6:174-6,
209-16 [104] Silbereisen, R. K. & Schwarz, B. (1998) Timing of
First Romantic Involvement: Commonalities and Differences in the Former
Germanies, in Nurmi, J. (Ed.) Adolescents,
Cultures, and Conflicts: Growing Up in Contemporary Europe. New York:
Garland, p129-48. Cf. Silbereisen, R. K. & Wiesner, M. (2000) Cohort change
in adolescent developmental timetables after German unification: Trends and
possible reasons, in Heckhausen, J. (Eds.) Motivational
Psychology of Human Development: Developing Motivation and Motivating
Development. Advances in Psychology, 131. New York: Elsevier Science,
p271-84. Also Schmidt & Sigusch (1973);
Schlaegel et al. (1975a); Schoof-Tams, Schlaegel & Walzak (1976) [105] Rademakers (1986), op.cit.; Laan, M. (1994) Kinderen
en hun Beleving van Lichamelijkheid [Dutch]. Doctoral dissertation,
University of Amsterdam/NISSO; Laan, M., Rademakers, J. & Straver, C.
(1996) Beleving lichamelijkheid en intimiteit door kinderen, Kind & Adolescent [Dutch] 17,1:32-7;
Rademakers, J., Laan, M. & Straver, C. (2000) Studying children's sexuality
from the child's perspective, J Psychol
& Hum Sex 12,1/2: 49-60. See also some autobiographical accounts of
first love in [Dolf Verroen ... et al.] (1980) Tien x Verliefd. 3rd ed., 1988. Houten [Holland]: Van Holkema &
Warendorf [106] Wolman, B. (1951) Sexual development in Israeli
adolescents, Am J Psychother 5:531-59 [107] For secondary reading on childhood love behaviour,
see Jay & Young (1977,1979:p41-50,83-90); Sadger (1921:p37-9); Moll (1908
[1912]). [108] Gijs, L. (2001) De
Illusie van Eenheid. Dissertation, University of Utrecht, The Netherlands,
p237 [109] Just (1897) Die Liebe im Kindesalter, Prax Erziehungskunde 11; Speyer, R. (1904)
Die Liebe bei den Kindern, Die
Kinderfehler 9:21-5; Pfister, O.
(1922) Die Liebe des Kindes und ihre
Fehlentwicklungen: Ein Buch für Eltern und Berufserzieher. Bern: Bircher;
Pfister, O. (1925) Die Liebe vor der Ehe
und Ihre Fehlentwicklungen. Bern:, p204-7. Other interesting articles in
this respect include Wolffheim, N. (1958) Wie Kinder wirklich sind: Erlebtes
aus einem Kindergarten, Prax
Kinderpsychol & Kinderpsychia 7:16-23; Wolffheim, N. (1966)
Kinderlieben, in Psychoanalyse im
Kindergarten. München [etc.]: G. Biermann, p124-33. Reprinted in Kentler,
H. (Ed.) Texte zur Sozio-Sexualität. [Opladen]: Leske,
p80-6 [110] Wulffen, E. (1913) Das Kind: Sein Wesen und Seine Entartung. Berlin: Langenscheidt [111] Kernberg, P. F. & Richards, A. K. (1994) An
application of psychoanalysis: The psychology of love in preadolescents as seen
through children's letters, in Richards, A. K. & Richards, A. D. (Eds.) The Spectrum of Psychoanalysis: Essays in
Honor of Martin S. Bergmann. Madison, CT.: International Universities
Press, p199-218 [112] "[…] the undisputed fact that boys and girls are used
by young men and women freely in their love-affairs and intrigues as mediums to
send presents of ha[?]n[?]dia
(rice-beer) to the lover or ukhra
(fried paddy) or articles of toilet to the beloved. Very frequently, children
thus act as go-betweens in adult love-making and become very helpful in the
conduct of affairs in hills and jungles, and naturally enough, as they grow up,
they (children) get accustomed to love themselves and come to relish the
flavour of such adventures". The Kama Sutra lists 8 kinds of go-betweens in a
specific chapter. [113] Devereux, G. (1948) The Mohave Indian Kamalo:y, J Clin Psychopath 9:433-57 [114] E.g., Bumroongsook, S. (1995) Love and Marriage: Mate Selection in Twentieth-Century Thailand. Bangkok: Chulalongkorn
University Press, p136-52 [115] See subchapter in Atlas
Volume, Nonnative
North-America. [116] E.g., Tegels, R. (1994) "Verkering of geen Verkering; That's the Question!"; Een Onderzoek naar
de Rol van Verkering in de Seksuele Socialisatie van Adolescenten. Utrecht
[Holland]. An average Dutch first "verkering" was found of 15,6 years. See
Spruijt, E. (1993) Relaties: Feiten, opvattingen en problemen, in Meeus, W.
(Ed.) Jongeren in Nederland.
Amersfoort [Holland]: Academische Uitgeverij, p56-78 [117] E.g., Conn (1939:p743-4), op.cit. [118] Pauw, B. A. (1963) The Second Generation: A Study of the Family among Urbanized Bantu in
East London. Cape Town: Oxford University Press. Chapter 6, p108-23, deals
with pre-marital sexuality. [119] Merten, D. E. (1996) Going-With: The Role of a Social
Form in Early Romance, J Contemp Ethnogr
24,4:462-84. On the basis of extensive interviewing, the author concludes that
"going-steady" is constituted and construed ("the context in which individuals
are obliged to pursue their attraction to each other") results in patterns of
interaction and meanings that negatively affect the realisation of romance. [120] E.g., Shapira, R. (1947) Al hayomanim shel b'ne
han'urim [About adolescents' diaries], Ofakim
4,4:40-5. For material see Bruhn (1929, 1930); Buehler, Ch. (1932) Jugendtagebuch und Lebenslauf. Zwei
Mädchentagebücher. Jena: Fischer; Buehler, Ch. (1925) Zwei Knabentagebücher. Jena: Fischer; Buehler, C. (1934) Drei Generationen im Jugendtagebuch.
Jena: Fischer; Abegg, W. (1954) Aus
Tagebüchern und Briefen Junger Menschen; Ein Beitrag zur Psychologie des
Entwicklungsalters. München / Basel: E. Reinhardt; Ulin, C. (1944) Personlighetsbildningen hos Unga Flickor
[Formation of Personality in Young Girls]. See also Iovetz-Tereschenko, N. M.
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method, in Wiederman, M. W. & Whitley, B. E. Jr. (Eds.) Handbook for Conducting Research on Human
Sexuality. Mahwah, NJ: Erlbaum, p195-207 [122] Abraham, L.
(2000) True Love, Time Pass, Bhai-Behen……
Heterosexual Relationships among the Youth in a Metropolis. Paper presented
at Convention Reproductive Health in
India: New Evidence and Issues. Tata Management Training Centre, Pune,
Maharastra, India. February 28 - March 1. Abraham, L. (2002) Bhai-behen, true
love, time pass: Friendships and sexual partnerships among youth in an Indian
metropolis, Culture, Health &
Sexuality 4,3:337-53 [123] See also Ramakrishna, J. et al. (2001) Boy-girl Relations: Cultural Influences on
Sexual Perceptions and Behaviours among Adolescents in South India. Paper for presentation at the 3rd IASSCS
conference in Melbourne, 1-3 Oct. 2001, p7-11 [124] Gough, K. (1961) Nayar: Central Kearla, in Schneider,
D. M. & Gough, K. (Eds.) Matrilineal
Kinship. Berkeley & Los Angelos, p298-404 [125] Thomas, F. (1934) Some Sociological Principles
Underlying Child Development, Social
Forces 12,4:508-14, at p 512 [126] Jackson, S. (1982) Childhood and Sexuality. Oxford: Basil Blackwell [127] Jackson, S. (2001) Happily never after: Young women's
stories of abuse in heterosexual love relationships, Feminism & Psychol 11,3:305-21 [128] Berges E. T. et al. (1983) Children & Sex: The Parents Speak. N.Y.: Facts on File, p129-32 [129] Hunter, M. (1953 [1960]) Reaction to Conquest. 2nd ed. Oxford: Oxford University Press,
p180-4 [130] E.g., Voss, L. S. (1997) Teasing, Disputing, and
Playing: Cross-Gender Interactions and Space Utilization among First and Third
Graders, Gender & Society
11,2:238-56, at p245; Simon, Eder & Evans (1992:p35) [131] Cf. Junod, H. (1898) Les Ba-Rongo. Neuchatel: Attinger Frères. The term chigango here
implies premarital liberty [132] Price, R. & Price, S. (1966a) Noviazgo in an
Andalusian Pueblo, Southwest J Anthropol 22:302-22;
Price, R. & Price, S. (1966b) Stratification and Courtship in an Andalusian
Village, Man, N. S., 1,4:526-33 [133] P'Bitek, O. (1964) Acholi Love, Transition 17:28-33. Reprinted in Transition 75/76 (1997):182-90 [135] Walkerdine, V. (1987) No laughing matter: Girls'
comics and the preparation for adolescent sexuality, in Broughton, J. M. (Ed.) Critical Theories of Psychological
Development. PATH in psychology. New York: Plenum Press, p87-125 [136] Houbre, G. (2000) Como a literatura chega as jovens:
França, primeira metade do seculo XIX [How literature is imparted to youth:
France, first half of the 19th century], Tempo
[Brazil] 5,9:11-27; Kraakman, D. (1994) Reading pornography anew: a critical
history of sexual knowledge for girls in French erotic fiction, 1750-1840, J Hist Sex 4,4:517-48 [137] Gatschet, A. S. (1890) The Klamath Indians of Southwestern Oregon. Washington: Gov't. Print.
Off. [138] Messerschmidt, D. A. (1976) The Gurungs of Nepal. Warminster, England: Aris & Phillips,
p50, 51 [139] See preparatory literature
review, Playground Sexualities: The Sync and Symbiosis of School Curricula
and Gendered/Eroticised Trajectories. [140] Heitmann, V. (1988) Obsceniteit, Romantiek en Dood in de Mondelinge Traditie van Noorse
Schoolkinderen. University of Amsterdam, The Netherlands. 2 vols. [141] E.g., Central Thai (1900-1930); pre-modern Okinawans,
Hopi, Hmong [142] Zaire (Baushi, Batetela, Mongo), Zambia (Luvale),
Botswana (Kgatla), Zimbabwe (Shona), Uganda (Acholi). [143] Round Lake Ojibwa (Rogers). Love medicine was used by
the Assiniboine (Rodnick), Cree, Blackfeet (e.g., Ewers) and Yanoama ("young
men" and women to aid them in their quest for mates. [144] Toradja girls use love magic in order to attract
young men; Rungus Dusun (Appell) [also anti-love magic]; Trobrianders (Weiner)
[also beauty magic] [145] Kokonge, M. & Erny, P. (1976) Comportements
sexuels chez les Baushi Kinama (Shaba, Zaire), Psychopathol Afr 12, 1:5-33 [146] Shirley and Romney (1962) found a significant
correlation of sexual socialisation anxiety (W&Ch.) with the use of love
magic (p<.001), thus adding
plausibility to Whiting and Child's concept of "negative fixation", which held
that "[a]s a result of deprivation and punishment with respect to [a] system of
behavior [thus, sexual/love system], […] the individual should come to respond
to this system of behavior with internal states of anxiety and insecurity which
would function as a drive" (1953:p146) (cf. Textor 305/311x447). In other
words, sexual restraint would provoke (rather than peripheralise) the need for
(later) active promotions of human affectionate bonding. Another perhaps more
plausible explanation would be that both factors tend to co-occur where the
need to control sexual curricula is high. In previous
work, it was not acknowledged in what phase love magic is used [Rosenblatt, P.
C. (1971) Communication in the Practice of Love Magic, Social Forces 49,3:482-7], but it seems reasonable that adolescence
would be the likely time. A review of selected cases, however, suggests that
its use within marriage ("love stabiliser", "reviver") is more common. [147] Unpuslished review material by the author. [148] Moore, S. M. & Rosenthal, D. A. (1998)
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48,1:77-103 [189] References cf. Table I, op.cit. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||