在出生時就被指派的性別角色在兒童期的歲月裏會被固定下來和進一步純化。女孩和男孩日益出現的不同的著裝、不同的髮型和不同的玩具等等，以細微而不易弄錯的方式暗示給我們：女性和男性扮演著不同的社會角色。這種變化甚至擴展到他們年長後所參與的性欲行為。例如：小女孩已經學會對她們的胸部要有羞恥感，因為在隨後幾年裏，她們的乳房將會發育起來。儘管在青春期之前，男女的胸部看起來相似，小女孩通常被要求穿上完整的泳衣或“比基尼”泳裝，因為這可以掩蓋她們身體上部的“缺陷”。然而，男孩只是簡單地打著赤膊。以這種方式暗示，女孩的胸部開始與“性欲”有了聯繫，而男孩卻沒有。（這種觀察結論再一次提醒我們，要想在男女的性欲行為上發現“自然的”差異，確實是一個錯誤。）

與此同時，成人會向孩子們解釋“真正的女孩”或“真正的男孩”該如何作為。大多數孩子很容易按照大人所教導的方式接受和內化他們的性別角色。甚至，最遲到4歲，他們就已經分別確認了他們的性別認同（gender identity）。女孩認同自己為女性，男孩為男性。然後，性別角色和性別認同成了同一枚硬幣的兩面：女人與女性，男人與男性，各自無痕跡地整合在了一起。

可是，少數孩子在某種程度上或完全拒絕給他們所指派的性別角色。男性氣概的女孩（“假小子，tomboy”）和女性氣質的男孩（“姨娘氣小子，sissy”）可能會讓他們的父母感到擔憂，並且在一些例外的案例裏，孩子也許恰恰堅決要求自己屬於另一個性別：女孩可能堅決要求成為男孩，而男孩則堅持要求成為女孩。這些問題將在本講課程的“性別”中作詳細討論[1]。

Stages of Development: Childhood

Gender Role Behavior

The gender role assigned at birth is stabilized and refined in the childhood years. Increasingly different clothing for girls and boys, different hair styles, different toys etc. suggest in subtle, but unmistakable ways that females and males have different social roles to play. This extends even to their anticipated later erotic behavior. For example: Little girls already learn to be modest about their chests – the area where, years later, their breasts will develop. Although the chests of girls and boys look alike before puberty, little girls are usually dressed in full bathing suits or in “bikinis” that cover the upper torso, while boys wear simple trunks, leaving the chest uncovered. Thus, the female chest area is beginning to be “eroticized”, the male one is not. (This observation reminds us once again that it is an error to look for “natural” differences in the erotic behavior of females and males.)

At the same time, adults explain how “a real girl” or a “real boy” is expected to behave. Most children have little trouble accepting and internalizing their gender roles as presented. Indeed, by age 4 at the latest, they have developed a respective unshakeable gender identity: Girls identify themselves as females, boys as males. Gender role and gender identity have then become two sides of the same coin: Femaleness and femininity, maleness and masculinity fit seamlessly together.
However, a few children partially or totally reject their assigned gender roles. Masculine girls (“tomboys”) and feminine boys (“sissies”) may worry their parents, and in exceptional cases the children may even insist on belonging to the other sex: Girls may insist on being boys, and boys on being girls. These problems are discussed in more detail in our course on Gender.