Basic Types of Sexual  Behavior

2. Heterosexual Intercourse: Genital Intercourse

Coitus

Couple engaging in coitus. Sculptured brick, Eastern Han Dynasty, 1st century A.D., Courtesy China Sex Museum, Tongli

Techniques of Coitus 5
In some older marital guides, couples were urged not only to strive for orgasm, but also to reach their orgasms simultaneously. As a reward, they were promised an experience of total ecstasy. In actual fact, however, this advice did more harm than good, and it is easy to understand why. First of all, it put the emphasis not on the sexual process, but on its result. Secondly, it forced both partners to adopt a calculating attitude that would allow them to remain in control at all times. Such an attitude then often prevented them from having any orgasm at all. Finally, those men and women who failed to synchronize their responses were made to feel inadequate.
It is fortunate that this mechanistic approach to coitus has gone out of fashion. In the meantime, most "sex experts" have become more realistic and therefore regognize: Simultaneous orgasms are no proof of a perfect relationship. As a matter of fact, there is now a growing realization that it is better to stop worrying about orgasms altogether. Instead, couples learn to savor every moment of intimacy for its own sake without trying to achieve or prove anything in particular. Paradoxically, it has turned out that it is this nondemanding, leisurely loveplay that provides the deepest satisfaction. It often helps to unblock long inhibited sexual responses and thus increases a person's erotic capacities. Naturally, it also leads to more orgasms (for details, see "Sexual Dysfunctions and their Treatment").