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一个人的性别角色建立于出生之时，强化于儿童期和青春期，并仍能够调整于成人期。严重的性别认同失调暂且搁置一边不说（会在另外的课程中阐述），我们注意到即使是平平常常的男女，他们的女性气质和男性气概的观念在过去的数十年里也一直发生着改变，而且在现时仍会发生改变。这些观念的改变最终会把我们带向那里，难以预测。不过，与此同时，越来越多的选择自由已经带给我们越来越多的疑惑。
“真正的女人”和“真正的男人”真正”像什么样子，不再清晰可辨了。现在，人们普遍认为，那种温顺的家庭主妇和颐指气使的家长早就过时了，“被动的”女性和“主动的”男性的老套角色因为已经被唾弃。可是，当今社会所提供的选择性别角色的脚本却过于繁杂和变化太快，以至于缺乏稳定性。对于女人：是给人美感的媚妇与流行时尚的模特？是“上班一族的母亲”？是无私奉献的送温暖者？是漂亮的职业妇女？是企业法人主管？是政治活动家？或者，毕竟她们是家庭主妇和家庭的主心骨？对于男人：是“家庭主男”？“懦夫”？还是忠实可靠的“家庭至上者（homebody）”？或者他们是“花花公子”与“吃软饭者（softie）”？无畏的冒险家？敢冒风险的企业家？无情的经理人？可信赖的养家糊口者与“不落家的大款”？或者，是体谅人的心心相印的伴侣？是热情洋溢的爱人？是令人敬仰的配偶与慈祥的父亲？或者，是慷慨为妻子供养衣食的冷冰冰的职业人，等等……。在这种多样化的社会性别角色要求的背后，也常常存在未明说的前提，那就是从理想的情形看，所有的这些角色可以和应该被整合。
所有这些角色定位使两性既难以找到满足自己的内在需要，也难以发现和找到与之生活在一起的合适伴侣。的确，性别角色的不安全感能够也确实影响着夫妻的性欲行为。
工作中的妇女
在20世纪，女人开始在许多从前专供男人工作的岗位上获得了成功。换一句话说，这改变了传统的女性性别角色。
Women at work
In the course of the 20th century, women began to succeed in many jobs that had formerly been reserved for men. Among other things, this changed the traditional female gender role. |
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A person’s gender role is established at birth, consolidated in childhood and adolescence, and can still be modified in adulthood. Leaving aside cases of serious gender incongruities (to be discussed in another course), we see that even for ordinary women and men, the concepts of femininity and masculinity have been changing in the last few decades and continue to change at this time. Where these changes will eventually lead us, is hard to predict. In the meantime, however, an increasing freedom to choose has brought increasing confusion.
It is no longer clear what a “real woman“ and a “real man“ are “really” like. There is now wide agreement that the roles of obedient housewife and commanding patriarch no longer fit the times, and the stereotypes of “passive” females and “active” males have long since been rejected. However, the alternative gender role scripts that are being offered today are too varied and change too fast to provide stability. For women: The sensuous seductress and fashion model, the “working mother”, the selfless caregiver, the smart business woman, the corporate executive, the political activist, or, after all, the homemaker and center of the family. For men: The “house husband”, “softie”, and faithful homebody, or the “playboy” and “ladies’ man”, the fearless adventurer, daring entrepreneur, ruthless manager, reliable breadwinner and “strong, silent type”, or the understanding soul mate, ardent lover, adoring spouse and caring father, or the cool professional who generously helps his wife with the dishes, etc.. Behind this variety of offers, there is also often the unspoken assumption that, ideally, all of these roles could and should be combined.
All of this has made it difficult for both sexes to find a role that will not only satisfy their own inner needs, but also enable them to find and live with a suitable partner. Indeed, gender role insecurity can and does also affect a couple’s erotic behavior.
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