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一個人的性別角色建立于出生之時，強化于兒童期和青春期，並仍能夠調整于成人期。嚴重的性別認同失調暫且擱置一邊不說（會在另外的課程中闡述），我們注意到即使是平平常常的男女，他們的女性氣質和男性氣概的觀念在過去的數十年裏也一直發生著改變，而且在現時仍會發生改變。這些觀念的改變最終會把我們帶向那裏，難以預測。不過，與此同時，越來越多的選擇自由已經帶給我們越來越多的疑惑。
“真正的女人”和“真正的男人”真正”像什麼樣子，不再清晰可辨了。現在，人們普遍認為，那種溫順的家庭主婦和頤指氣使的家長早就過時了，“被動的”女性和“主動的”男性的老套角色因為已經被唾棄。可是，當今社會所提供的選擇性別角色的腳本卻過於繁雜和變化太快，以至於缺乏穩定性。對於女人：是給人美感的媚婦與流行時尚的模特？是“上班一族的母親”？是無私奉獻的送溫暖者？是漂亮的職業婦女？是企業法人主管？是政治活動家？或者，畢竟她們是家庭主婦和家庭的主心骨？對於男人：是“家庭主男”？“懦夫”？還是忠實可靠的“家庭至上者（homebody）”？或者他們是“花花公子”與“吃軟飯者（softie）”？無畏的冒險家？敢冒風險的企業家？無情的經理人？可信賴的養家糊口者與“不落家的大款”？或者，是體諒人的心心相印的伴侶？是熱情洋溢的愛人？是令人敬仰的配偶與慈祥的父親？或者，是慷慨為妻子供養衣食的冷冰冰的職業人，等等……。在這種多樣化的社會性別角色要求的背後，也常常存在未明說的前提，那就是從理想的情形看，所有的這些角色可以和應該被整合。
所有這些角色定位使兩性既難以找到滿足自己的內在需要，也難以發現和找到與之生活在一起的合適伴侶。的確，性別角色的不安全感能夠也確實影響著夫妻的性欲行為。
工作中的婦女
在20世紀，女人開始在許多從前專供男人工作的崗位上獲得了成功。換一句話說，這改變了傳統的女性性別角色。
Women at work
In the course of the 20th century, women began to succeed in many jobs that had formerly been reserved for men. Among other things, this changed the traditional female gender role. |
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A person’s gender role is established at birth, consolidated in childhood and adolescence, and can still be modified in adulthood. Leaving aside cases of serious gender incongruities (to be discussed in another course), we see that even for ordinary women and men, the concepts of femininity and masculinity have been changing in the last few decades and continue to change at this time. Where these changes will eventually lead us, is hard to predict. In the meantime, however, an increasing freedom to choose has brought increasing confusion.
It is no longer clear what a “real woman“ and a “real man“ are “really” like. There is now wide agreement that the roles of obedient housewife and commanding patriarch no longer fit the times, and the stereotypes of “passive” females and “active” males have long since been rejected. However, the alternative gender role scripts that are being offered today are too varied and change too fast to provide stability. For women: The sensuous seductress and fashion model, the “working mother”, the selfless caregiver, the smart business woman, the corporate executive, the political activist, or, after all, the homemaker and center of the family. For men: The “house husband”, “softie”, and faithful homebody, or the “playboy” and “ladies’ man”, the fearless adventurer, daring entrepreneur, ruthless manager, reliable breadwinner and “strong, silent type”, or the understanding soul mate, ardent lover, adoring spouse and caring father, or the cool professional who generously helps his wife with the dishes, etc.. Behind this variety of offers, there is also often the unspoken assumption that, ideally, all of these roles could and should be combined.
All of this has made it difficult for both sexes to find a role that will not only satisfy their own inner needs, but also enable them to find and live with a suitable partner. Indeed, gender role insecurity can and does also affect a couple’s erotic behavior.
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