Growing Up Sexually

Pashtun (Pakistan, Afghanistan)

Lindholm (1982:p134-5)[1] states that a groom

“[…] visits his bride on the third night, a visit eagerly awaited by his sisters, who may drill a hole in the wall in order to view the defloration. The bride, if she is a khan woman, probably will be completely inexperienced sexually. Her mother has given her instructions on the proper treatment of a husband, but this counsel is primarily magical in nature and concerns ways in which the man can be kept in the woman’s power. […] But practical advice about sex, according to elite women, is nonexistent. The bride awaits her husband, whom she may have never seen before, in an agony of fear that he may not like her, that he may humiliate her by taking another wife. The husband, often a decade or so older and with some sexual experience, may arrive inebriated. He gives the girl a gift of some sweets and a watch or some jewelry. He then should have sex with his new and very young wife”.

Anderson[2]:

“Because marriages consecrate rather than create unities, the length of time taken in putting together a particular match is a measure of what is being accomplished. Some matches are arranged in childhood by brothers or first cousins who wish to keep their families together and, occasionally, by men who wish to make a close personal friendship between themselves (also dostiy) more substantial. More commonly, however, engagements are sealed after long negotiations”.

Barth[3]:

“If, as is usually the case, the couple are both sexually mature, the nik[unavailable] ceremony is repeated, in case the boy, unwittingly or as an oath or curse, should have divorced his wife since the betrothal ceremony. By Moslem law, most kinds of divorce create a legal ban on re-marriage with the same woman—however, as the “marriage” solemnized at the betrothal ceremony has not yet been consummated, this question does not arise. If one or both spouses are still children, the nik[unavailable] is postponed till such time as the parents of the boy permit consummation”.

Janssen, D. F., Growing Up Sexually. VolumeI. World Reference Atlas. 0.2 ed. 2004. Berlin: Magnus Hirschfeld Archive for Sexology, Berlin

Last revised: Sept 2004