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therapist does not automatically set you free from these
beliefs. If you can't trust your therapist enough to share
information about your sexuality with her, how much
good can you get out of your therapy?

So how do you find, and work with, a therapist who

you can trust with the difficult stuff?

The first thing to find out is how you feel about the

potential therapist as a person. Just because your friend
loves her therapist doesn't mean you'll feel the same way.
Interview the therapist, and ask the questions I suggested
for physicians back in Chapter 2. As you listen to her
answers, don't just hear the words she's saying pay
attention to her tone of voice, body language and general
behavior. What sense do you get of her as a person? Does
she seem intelligent and responsive? Is this someone you
trust with your emotional well-being?

Next, listen to her actual words. Some therapists make

sex-positive statements, but have negative feelings about
particular sexualities or sexual activities often BDSM and
non-monogamy, which many therapists are still trained to
see as pathological. Even if you know that this therapist
is personally involved in the same sexual practices as you,
that doesn't necessarily mean that she is free of judgment
about that kind of sexuality internalized oppression
sneaks up on us all. Trust your instincts.

Keep in mind that you are not going to a therapist

to get unconditional approval for everything you do; if
that's what you want, a dog might be a better choice.
Your therapist's job is to help you discover what kinds
of behaviors work well for you and what kinds may be
holding you back from where you want to go. If the