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It is part of the physician's job to understand that
abuse and violence happen, and to protect his patients
from being abused. Abuse is not the exclusive province of
vanilla heterosexuals; gays, lesbians, transgendered folk,
polyamorists, sex workers and S/M people can also be
the victims of abuse ­ so if your health care provider asks
questions that sound like she's wondering whether or not
you're being abused, that doesn't mean she's a clueless
prude, it means she's doing her best to take care of you.
Does your doctor really need to know all about your
slave contract or your cocksucking technique or your
rubber fetish? Not unless they affect your health. A good
patient has at least some boundaries regarding what
information is appropriate to share with her physician: a
great way to alienate your doctor is to tell him just before
your pelvic exam that your number-one fantasy is to be
subjected to painful medical procedures by a sadistic
physician. (Yes, it's happened to me.)
On the other hand, it's extremely important to be
honest with your health care practitioner. If she asks
you whether you engage in oral-anal contact (rimming),
that's not because she's getting off on the thought ­ it's
because rimming has specific medical meanings in terms
of its effect on your health, and she needs to know the
answer to her question so she can appropriately order
specific tests. Lying or evasiveness frustrates your doctor
and can harm your health.
Start by saying, "There's some information you need
to have about me." Then, simply describe any alternative
sexual behaviors that could have any effect on your health
or well-being. You should touch on: