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Or go to the hospital you wish to use and ask to see
a nurse. Do not sign in, and be understanding if they are
too busy at that time ­ come back at another time. The
nurse can be a supervisor, in the urgent care clinic, or
even in the emergency room. The nurses tend to know
the physicians with whom they work, so they might be
able to suggest someone to you.
You can try being open with a physician you suspect
may be judgmental. Inform her before the appointment
that you are there to ask some questions and do not
want this appointment recorded in your chart. If you are
a confident and competent practitioner of an alternative
sexual lifestyle, you will challenge many of the physician's
stereotypes; she may come to think of you as the exception
that proves the rule, but you will get good care. If you
find that she is so judgmental that she cannot offer you
good care, it might be safest to pay her out of pocket
rather than taking a chance that negative information
about you could go into your permanent insurance files.
However, this choice is not always as easy as it
sounds. Many sexual advocacy groups suggest "coming
out" as a mechanism for fostering acceptance. If this idea
fits your political perspective, it may be worth trying. If
you are wrong, you can always change physicians. (We'll
talk about how to come out to your physician in the next
chapter.)
If you're still stuck, you may have to accept the idea
of working with a physician with whom you cannot be
completely open. Search for a sex-positive physician
in a more distant location, and use him for your sexual
issues. With your local doctor, it is perfectly acceptable to
refuse to discuss the details of your sex life, although it's