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your sexual practices as thoroughly as you would like.
However, it's not your job to educate this practitioner;
the information he needs is available from other sources
besides you, and it's part of his job to find and learn what
he needs to know. If he wants to learn more, steer him
toward the information listed in the Resource Guide of
this book.
When I was a resident, on a dermatology rotation,
the dermatologist had a run-in with a gay male patient.
I stepped in and cooled off the situation. Afterwards,
this dermatologist complimented the way I handled the
situation, which was my opening for some education.
One of his comments was very revealing. He said, "I get
along so well with the elderly women in my practice; I just
don't know what I am doing wrong with the gay men."
He recognized the problem without my pointing it out
to him ­ he knew something was wrong, he just didn't
know what. I knew this dermatologist and I knew he was
not homophobic, but his style of interacting with elderly
women came across as demeaning when translated to
gay men. It was clear that he had thought about it and
was frustrated with his lack of success. Don't assume that
your physician doesn't want to do better.
Sexual minority subcultures often have very involved
social structures. It is very easy for even a knowledgeable
physician to make a faux pas, so a less experienced
practitioner will almost certainly misspeak. Do not reject
a physician because she does not understand the nuances
of your sexual minority community ­ it is more important
that you get competent medical care.
And finally, there's the handful of health care
practitioners who make a special point of maintaining